Bleeding Heart

It seems that I've returned from my travels with a restless and melancholy spirit. I'm wearing the rain hat that I never got to wear in Europe as I'm writing this post. I look like Gilligan. I drove out to Meijer's and PetSmart today and as I was driving on the freeway I was tempted to just keep going. Just follow the freeway to the end and beyond and see where it takes me. Before the trip I was satisfied with my humdrum existence cause it was what I knew but now I've seen that there's excitement to be had out there and I'm no longer content with my life. My existence has become dull and boring. And I've also started to want what others have. I see couples walking hand in hand and gazing lovingly at each other and I want what they have. And it irks me cause I want to be happy being single. I'm never going to find someone so it's just pointless longing. My destiny is to be one of those spinster teachers with dozens of cats. I was looking at my friends list on my MySpace page and I decided to look at this guy's page that I once went on a date with, he never called or wrote after the date as per usual with me and dates. As I was looking at his page I saw that he's now "in a relationship" and I felt a stab of pain and jealousy in my chest upon reading this information. I used to be fine with the knowledge that I would never have true and complete happiness in any aspect of my life but suddenly I want to find contentment. Maybe I was numb before. I'd like to go back to being numb because at least then I wasn't hurting. I hurt now. And this rain hat isn't stopping the pain from pouring into my heavy heart.