Apparition

I've been feeling empty lately. I don't understand this life and my place in it. Sometimes I think I'm behind and other times I think I'm ahead. I usually feel like I'm behind though. I feel like there's all this surface love around me. Like people around me are just making the motions but there's no contact. Like a ghost. They can see everything but they can touch nothing. It used to be that I would cry a lot when I felt like this but now it's like the tears have dried up. I try to cry but nothing comes. I sit and I stare. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. Certifiably crazy. On certain days I'm afraid to open the blinds because I'm scared the world will be gone when I look out the window. But would I really miss it?