Don't bring my Mother into this, Buddy

I did some shopping at Meijer's tonight. My mother returned something last weekend and got one of those cards with store credit on it. She gave it to me since she said that she seldom shops there and I live right next to it. So I walk in and immediately I'm accosted by some guy at a small stand wearing a nice white button-down shirt selling newpaper subscriptions. I always feel bad walking by so I listen to his spiel and nod and then say, "No, thanks." He was very gracious and said thanks for listening and let me leave. I walk barely 3 feet and some other guy at another stand also wearing a white button-down shirt thrusts a piece of paper in my hand and then a clipboard in my other hand. He rambles about family pictures and specials and he's much more aggressive and pushy than the other guy. At this point I just want to do my shopping so I hand him back the stuff and say, "Oh, I don't have a family. So, no thanks." But he won't take no for an answer and he's like, "What about a Mommy? Everybody has a Mommy!" Then I was really irritated cause I hate when grown men and women say Mommy or Daddy. So I look at him and I reply, "Well, yeah. But nobody would want to take a picture of her." And I turned and walked away.

I felt a little guilty about implying that my mother is some sort of hideous hose-beast that nobody would want to photograph but then I saw that they had Fritos on special, buy one get one free. And I was like, "Oh, Fritos! Yummy!"