Losing Control

Sometimes I wish that I could just catch a break. I tried on my dress for the Daughter's wedding tonight and I didn't like it at all. The wedding is Friday. This is the dress that I ordered a month ago and tried it on when it arrived and thought was perfect. I bought jewelry and shoes to go with it. My nails are painted pink to go with the jewelry, it was going to be a sage(dress)/pink(jewelry) color theme. And I bought a sash to tie around my waist. I was so excited about how I was going to look really put together. And now I hate how it looks on me. So I've been looking online for the last hour for a different dress. I'm planning on going shopping tomorrow to see if I find anything. I'm reminded of the dress that I tried on at Marshall Field's a few weeks which was absolutely stunning and looked great on me. It was also $120 which is why I was sticking with the sage dress. I asked my mom if she thought I was being ridiculous and she said, "Honey, I could tell that you weren't happy with it when you put it on t0night. If you're not happy with how you look then you won't have a good time and you'll be miserable at the wedding. Get a different dress and I'll help you pay for it." Yeah, this is the woman that is so cruel and abusive my brother and sister-in-law can't stand spending time with her. She bends over backwards to make her children happy. What a terrible mother. (sarcasm)

I've been really down all day, even before I tried on the dress and realized that I was completely unhappy with it. I haven't gotten a call about the French teacher position I applied for. Raffi attacked one of our neighbors this past weekend and he was bitching to my mom about the cat and mentioned the word "sue". He said that Raffi's been fighting with his two cats. I was really snippy at Family Dinner last night and not just from my irritation with certain family members. i'm worried that I'm entering one of my angry/depressive episodes and I don't want to be in one for the wedding. Sometimes they'll last a couple days and sometimes it'll be a couple weeks. So yeah, I just want to catch a break. I want one thing at the least to work out for me.