I don't need your steenkin' cable!

I hate solicitors. I figure that if I want something, I will make the effort to get it myself. Don't come to me and try to sell me something. And I really hate it because I try to be nice and it's so hard for me to be mean to these people. But you keep saying no, no thank you, I'll think about it and they just keep talking and won't take no for an answer. Tonight I was at the sink rinsing off my dinner plate when there's a knock at the door. So I quickly turn off the water and hope that they couldn't hear it. But then I realize I have the TV on and I know they can hear that. So I look through the peephole and I see a tall guy wearing a white baseball cap and someone behind him. And I think to myself, "I don't have any tall friends who wear white baseball caps." So I stand there and hope they'll go away. And then I hear (in a female voice) "Hi, it's Comcast." Now, I don't have cable but they've obviously heard the activity and know someone is inside. So I open the door with the chain (yes, I know this would not help in an actual robbery) and I'm like, "Hello?" And then the chick is like, "Oh, is your mom not home right now?" And then I'm just ticked. So I take off the chain but keep the door open only 5 inches and I'm like, "No. This is my apartment." She babbles about me sounding young and then starts asking if I have cable now, if I've had cable before, how long I've lived here, yada, yada, yada. And then she does that thing where instead of asking if you want something, they just state that they're going to do it. She says, "So we'll come by Saturday for your free installation." I REALLY hate when they do that. And I'm like, "No thanks." And she babbles more. I say, "I can't really afford cable right now so no, thanks." And she babbles more. She hands me a pamplet. I focus on her comcast headband and don't actually register what she's saying as she talks more. At one point she mentions Lifetime and I perk up for a minute but I resist. Finally, I'm like, "Can I think about it?" She says yes, points out the number and leaves. And I'd like to point out that I've received these pamplets and notices on my door about 17 times already so obviously if I wanted the frickin' cable I would have called and signed up. I understand that people need to make a living but I can barely afford groceries. Unless you're going to offer me cable for $2.04/m0nth, then I can't afford it. Leave me alone. Unless you have beer. And lemurs.