Drugstore Cowboy

Why am I always attracted to cashiers? There's a cashier at the CVS that I go to who I find so very cute. He's got some grey in his hair so he's probably in his forties and he doesn't have the best teeth but he's tall and skinny and I get so excited when he's working cause I get to talk with him while I pay for my stuff. One time when I was buying stickers he gave me a funny look and so I was all, "I'm a teacher." And he was like, "I know, I was just giving you a hard time." Part of me was creeped out that he knew I was a teacher and part of me thought it was so sweet and romantic. I know I should just not think about him cause it would never work between us but I just can't seem to help myself from dreaming. Maybe I like cashiers cause they handle money all day. Dirty, filthy money. You're a dirty little whore, aren't you? Yeah, you are. You need to be punished. Oops, sorry. I got a little carried away there. It was the thought of money and cashiers.

Senorita Jessica!

I'm staying at the Sterling Inn tonight with the Fam. They have a waterpark there and Joeboo is footing the bill. I plan on spending most of my time in the hot tub or the lazy river. Then I'll probably order lots of room service and raid the mini-bar. I'm driving separately so I can leave before my father sees the bill.

Television Whore

Dude, is anyone watching The Price is Right today? I totally think that one of the contestants just called down to contestants row is Tristin from Beauty and The Geek. It's just so weird cause MTV has been playing reruns of Beauty and the Geek and now she's on The Price is Right. It's quite perplexing to me but fascinating at the same time. Now I have to keep watching and see if she makes it on stage.

Holidays Suck

Christmas was terrible yesterday. Well, it was great when it was just my mother and I at home but then I had to go to the Family Gathering. Sarah was still in her pajamas. It was 3pm and everyone else was dressed. My brain couldn't process it. It was an anomaly. I think that's the right word. Anyways I was trying to convince her and others that she needed to be dressed so that things would conform but to no avail. It made me twitchy and bitchy having only Sarah in pajamas. I started drinking a lot of wine to dull the voices in my head that kept pointing out that Sarah wasn't dressed but the wine didn't seem to help. Joy told me to stop acting like a 3 year-old and start acting like a 30 year-old. So I told her to start acting like a normal stepmother instead of an evil stepmother. Then someone else said I was jealous cause I wanted to be in my pajamas but that wasn't it at all. I wanted everyone to be the same. Everyone needed to be the same. Why couldn't she just get dressed? I like how Sarah can act like a raging miscreant and her mother excuses her because of her ADHD but when my mental illness rears its ugly head it's just me being immature. I hated Christmas 2006 and this is why I hate holidays. When I got home I wrote "Get Dressed" on lots of post-it notes and stuck them all over the house. It was the worst Christmas I've ever had.

Where did Ryan sleep last night?

Last night was the TNOF Christmas Exchange Party. It was a rocking good time. Jackie, Beckie and I drove out to Julon's together in Jackie's new car. On our way to pick up Beckie, Jackie had to stop and gas up her car. I was trying to turn on the radio while she was gassing up the car and I could not figure out how to turn on the frickin' radio. There were so many buttons and options and it was making my brain hurt. Jackie got back in and I told her how I wanted the radio on and she turns this knob and was like, "Here ya go, the volume was way down." The actual gift exchange was fun, there were lots of cool gifts. I got "Matrix Revolutions" from John of Julon which is great cause I've been wanting to build up my DVD collection. I like to watch DVDs of movies cause I can put them in French. Dan got Fact or Crap the boardgame and I wanted to play it so I opened it up while he was outside smoking. Then I got out all the pieces and left it on the floor cause I grew tired of reading the directions. Then I went home with Jackie and sans Beckie. But I don't mean that I went home with Jackie like I went home with Jackie. She just drove me to my car. And then I went to my own home. I tried to get her to make out with me in the car on the drive back but she was all, "Jessica, jeez! I'm driving! Stop groping me!" I tried to explain that she brings it upon herself with that smokin' hot bod. But since I couldn't get Jackie to give me any lovin' I just started to lick the window glass whenever a guy in pickup truck drove by. Good times.

Patent Pending

You want to know one thing I hate about periods? Well, you're gonna know if you keep reading this post. I hate how you have to put in a new tampon every 4-6 hours. I wish that you could just put in a super tampon at the beginning and then take it out three days later filled with your menstrual blood. Isn't that a pretty picture? Yeah, that does sound kindof gross. Oh! Maybe they could have a 24 hour tampon! That way you just have to put a new one in every morning. Genius! I should be an inventor.

Dying to be Thin

Guinevere threw up again. So I yelled at her, "Dammit, Gwennie! All you're good for anymore is throwing up and being cute! Stop puking all the time!" I think it's time for someone to go and see the V-E-T.

Been Kissed A Lot

I just watched the last half hour of "Never Been Kissed" on TV. I love that last scene where Drew Barrymore's character is waiting out on the pitcher's mound and Michael Vartan runs out and grabs her and kisses her. It's so romantic. And it helps that Michael Vartan is so very cute and debonair. It makes me yearn for that first kiss experience you have when you start a new relationship. It also makes me yearn to kiss Michael Vartan. I like the more spontaneous kisses, rather than the expected kiss at the end of the night. And I like how you get butterflies in your stomach when you're at the start of a new relationship. That's what I'd like for Christmas.

The Price of Cleanliness

Guinevere just coughed up a hairball on my bedroom floor. Luckily I heard her getting ready and threw a towel under the likely destination site. It wasn't as bad as the last time she coughed up a hairball which I should tell you about. Gwennie has been sleeping in my bed for the last month or so. She's a long-hair cat which does make her super-cute but also causes her to cough up hairballs every week. I like having her sleep in my bed cause I figure it means she loves me the best of all. Anyways, last week I was woken up around 2am by Guinevere getting ready to cough up something and she was right next to me in the bed. Since I had just been woken up from a deep sleep I was slow to figure out what was going on and slow to respond appropiately. She puked up her hairball on the edge of the bed. Luckily it was on her side of the bed so I cleaned it up as best I could in the middle of the night and threw a towel over the stain. Then I went back to sleep. Gwennie ended up sleeping on the towel. I tried to tell her that it was covering her hairball puke stain but she seemed quite content to lie there. She's currently lying next to my computer and if she coughs up a hairball on my mouse I'm going to be perturbed. I don't care how frickin' adorable she is.

Thoughts of an 8 year-old

I didn't get a subbing job today. So I've been doing laundry and cleaning my room. I'm even thinking about washing all the floors. I almost forgot, I also did the dishes. My mother is in Florida on business this week which is why I'm doing all this cleaning. I don't like to do it when she's around cause then she thinks I'm being all helpful and considerate. I don't like to be thought of as helpful and considerate. Especially by my mother.

I babysat my little sister this past Saturday. While we were sitting at the table eating our pizza dinner I got annoyed by the silence so I decided to ask her some questions. First I asked about her thoughts on the Irag war. She replied, "George Bush is a very stupid man. He never should have started that war and now he's made a huge mistake." I was impressed so I decided to ask her about her thoughts on gay marriage. First she said that she didn't know what it meant but then said she knew what it was to be gay. So I asked her to tell me and she goes, "It's when a guy likes girl stuff. Like if a guys likes dolls and wearing dresses and stuff like that then he's gay."