A Mother's Love

My mother is one of the most kind-hearted and giving people that I know. I'm not just saying that because she's my mother. She really is. She'll bend over backwards to help family, friend and stranger alike. She's a nurse who works in hospice, which further goes to show her caring nature. I've mentioned in previous posts about her helping me with groceries because she knows I'm financially strapped. It's just part of her nature to try and help in whatever way she can and to try and make people happy.

This morning when I got to church she wasn't there and I noticed I had a voice mail on my cell phone. So I listen and it's my mother. I can barely understand what she's saying cause she was crying while leaving the message but the basic gist was that she had been crying all morning and was a mess so couldn't make it to church. And I saw red. My mother does not deserve to be crying for hours. She deserves to be happy because that's all she tries to do for others. This all goes back to my sister-in-law. It's too complicated and long to explain but my sister-in-law is basically a mentally ill manipulative bitch who is denying my mother access to her granddaughter and causing enormous strife in the family.

Even as I'm writing this post, I'm starting to cry myself. It tears at my heart when someone upsets my mother to the point where she's crying for hours and arrives late to church with red, puffy eyes. It doesn't seem to fair to me that such a wonderfully kind woman should be made to hurt like that.

Like an Animal in the Wild, I have been Tagged

Ryan tagged me with this MEME questionnaire. Enjoy.

1. What were three of the stupidest things you have done in your life?

1. Maxed out a credit card in Scotland and the south of France
2. Not believe those who said, "You won't always be able to eat that way and stay slim."
3. Countless things while drunk


2. At the current moment, who has the most influence in your life?

My bank

3. If you were given a time machine that functioned, and you were allowed to only pick up five people to dine with, who would you pick?

1. Vlad the Impaler
2. Mary, Queen of Scots
3. Grandmother on my mother's side (died when I was 2)
4. Giacomo Casanova
5. ? You pick someone for me

4. If you had three wishes that were not supernatural, what would they be?

1. Inheret $142 million from some long-lost relative
2. Who needs 2 more wishes when you just received $142 million?
3. How can a "wish" not be supernatural?

5. Someone is visiting your hometown/place where you live at the moment. Name two things you regret your city not having, and two things people should avoid.

Which is it? My hometown or where I reside currently? I'll go with hometown. Grosse Pointe is fabulous and couldn't possibly need anything more! But I'd avoid the Subway across from the high school around lunch during the school year.

6. Name one event that has changed your life.

The birth of my little sister.

7. Tag 3 people.

1. jonny-no-stars
2. Beckie
3. your mom

We had some good times

This is my bedroom cat, Night.



He has to live in my bedroom because Raffi is a bully. Night's very needy for a cat. He's always wanting me to pet him and begging for attention and he bites my arm if I stop petting him. Cats aren't supposed to be like that. Well, biting, yeah but not the neediness. Cats are supposed to be aloof and scorn loving affection. He's been living in my bedroom for 9 or 10 months now and it's starting to grate on my nerves. I've made minuscule leeway in getting Night and Raffi to get along. And Beckie says that Night is going to put a crimp in my sex life but that's currently a moot point.

The reason I'm bringing this up is because I'm thinking of returning him to his previous owners. I had thought that the proposal of returning the cat would be met with much disapproval by the previous owner but she broached the subject herself. The cat used to be my sister-in-law's (Sil). A year ago, Sil found herself quite overwhelmed with 7 cats, 1 dog, a toddler and a husband. She decided that she needed to "thin out the herd" and got rid of 2 cats. I got Night, whom I had always adored and joked about taking, and her brother got Muffin. Yesterday at Family Dinner, Sil informed me that Muffin has been presumed dead. This is where it gets...interesting. Sil's brother's girlfriend (still with me?) said a few weeks ago that she hated the cat. A few days after that, Sil's brother went into the hospital for a couple of days. Sil's brother returns from the hospital and the cat is "missing" and has not since returned home. Sil is convinced that the girlfriend poisoned the cat and dumped the body in a dumpster in Detroit. So yesterday at Family Dinner she keeps asking me if Night is happy and if I want to return him and I didn't really say much. I was still in shock about the Murdering Girlfriend. But now I'm thinking this could be my out clause. I mean, don't get me wrong. Night is a great cat but Raffi's kindof a "I don't share my woman" type of cat . What to do, what to do...

Mum's the Word

My father came up with a fun game for Family Dinner tonight. He told us that whichever of his 3 children and his grandchild could go 5 minutes without uttering a single sound would win a quarter. Since I am a poor grad student in need of any money (even $.25), I buckled down and stepped up to the challenge. Zoe was out before the game even started cause she was serenading her barbie doll while my father was giving the instructions and kept on singing after the game had started. Miguel was out after about 10 seconds cause he's an idiot and responded to a question posed by his wife. So it was down to Sarah and I. And we were both determined to get the quarter. I commenced my underhanded techniques of winning by pretending that I was going to put her new favorite book into the dessert dish of some blueberry crisp thingy but my stepmother plucked it out of my hands. Then Sarah went to get paper and pen and wrote out to my father, "Has it been 5 minutes?". While she was writing I tried to grab the pen to get her to shout a protest but she didn't say a peep and had quite a good grip on the pen. After she wrote the question I grabbed the pen and paper and wrote out, "Sarah is a paper plate. Sarah wears dirty socks." and handed it to my father. He read it out loud to the whole table and Sarah was livid. I'm sure that I almost had her cause she started to open her mouth to squawk out a rebuttal but then remembered she couldn't say anything. It seems that my stepmother tired of the game cause she left the room and then came back and handed Sarah and I each a quarter. I think that my stepmother realized I was obviously going to be the winner and was trying to spare Sarah the humiliation of losing. 7 year-olds can be quite sensitive.

Why don't they ask about # 19?

Other people have done this and now I'm doing it. Cause I'm a follower.

The Rules: First list twenty people you know in any order, and then scroll down and answer the questions. Don't peek at the questions before writing down your list of people.

1. Beckie
2. Ryan
3. Mike
4. Dan
5. Chris
6. Austin
7. Tess
8. Sarah
9. Jackie
10. Kristen
11. Justin
12. Julie
13. John
14. Jay
15. Chris3
16. Michelle
17. Jenn
18. Miguel
19. Avis
20. Eileen

How did you meet number 17?
I met Jenn through Ryan.

Should numbers 3 and 8 go out?
They’re birthdays are only 3 days apart. Is Libra-Libra a good combo?

If number 5 died tomorrow, what would you do?
Gah, this question is depressing. I’d bring a dry erase board to the funeral and throw it at his coffin. For old time’s sake.

What is number 10’s middle name?
Elizabeth


Who is number 13 going out with?
When you’re married, is it still going out? His lovely wife is Julie and I think they go out on weekends. Occasionally on weeknights but they are the ‘boring married couple’ so not too often.

What would you do if number 15 kissed you?
Slap him. But only cause he seems like he would enjoy that.

Describe number 16 in 5 words.
Likes riding horses and makeup.

Is number 2 the sexiest person alive?
Abso-fuckin’-lutely.

What is the strangest thing you know about number 9?
She can fold herself up to fit into a suitcase.

What would you do if number 7 killed someone?
Ask her if she’s taking orders.

Is number 1 your best friend?
Yes, she will wear a lovely mint green maid of honor dress at my wedding.

When is number 6’s birthday?
December…8th? I think. Maybe.

Would/have numbers 12 and 8 date?
Well, they’re both kindof taken and I don’t think they play for that team.

Do you know any of number 14’s family members or pets?
No! Sacre Bleu!

Who does number 20 like?
Her fiancé, Chad.

Would you ever make out with number 18?
EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! Dear Lord, that is my brother. I am not from the South. Gah, I have to go shower cause now I feel really dirty. And I’ll be using a big scrub brush. Yeuch.

Is number 3 a boy or girl?
Neither. He’s a man. A man with a lot of hair.

What is the best thing about number 7?
She’s an excellent friend to have. Like, all you expect from a friend and then more.

What do you really think about number 11?
He’s hot and a chef. And he’s gay so I’m totally in love with him.

What is number 15’s favorite band/singer?
Crap. I’m sure he’s told me this but I was probably thinking about my hair. Something mellow yet invigorating to the soul.

Where has number 10 lived before they moved to where they live now?
Grosse Pointe.

What neighborhood does number 3 live in?
Berkley, in the OC.

What school does number 6 go to?
The School of Bringin’ It.

Are numbers 9 and 13 best friends?
No.

Does number 20 secretly like number 2?
I would highly doubt it cause I’m pretty sure they’ve never met.

Would you ever date number 8?
If she was giving me those “fuck me” eyes…hell, yeah! And then I could be a Winkler like I’ve always dreamed! I knew I was limiting myself by only considering the men in the family!

What’s the most embarrassing thing you know about number 4?
He once demonstrated his projectile vomiting ability in front of the Tap Room.

Life is Like a Can of Tuna

My mother (God love her) knows that I am a poor grad student living on a VERY limited budget and groceries are one of the last expenses I consider. So whenever she sees specials or sale items at the grocery store, she'll buy extra for me. Here's a typical conversation we might have after one of her grocery shopping trips:

Trish the Dish: Darling! They had a special going on at Krogers, 10 cans of tuna for $10! So I bought you 30 cans!
Wixom Vixen: Wow. Um...thanks, Mom. That's...a whole lotta tuna.
TD: I also have chicken for you. You see, I thought that I was having a dinner party and I bought all this chicken but it turns out I had only dreamed that I was having a dinner party but I had already bought all this chicken! Isn't that silly? So, here's 20 pounds of chicken.
WV: Er...right. Did you happen to have any dreams where you bought your only daughter a tennis bracelet?
TD: Don't be silly, Pumpkin! You know I don't have dreams that involve flying balls!
WV: Of course. That would be preposterous.
TD: I almost forgot! I got you some Diet Coke too. Let me get the fork lift.


So, does anyone have recipes that call for tuna?

Get a Room.

When I was pulling into a parking space at my apartment complex this evening, my headlights illuminated this couple leaning against the next car who were necking. I was really irked by the whole thing. But I'm not sure if I was irked out of envy since I haven't necked with someone in a parking lot for several months or if I was irked out of annoyance that the car they were leaning against had been parked terribly and left me with little room to park my car.

Waiting for Direction

I don't like driving. But I like the feeling I get when I'm driving. I'm not one of those people who gets in my car just to take a ride. So when I'm driving, I have a final destination. And if I have a final destination then there is purpose in my life. At least for a few minutes.

I'll just need your driver's license number for the background check before you can take out my daughter. And a blood sample.

Meet the Parents is onTV tonight. I remember when it first came out, all my family and friends kept telling me that Robert De Niro's character was just like my father. So I finally rented it one night and watched it with my mother. After the movie ends, she says, "Wow. He really was like your father in that movie." And I'm like, "You thought so? I don't know, Robert De Niro's character seemed a little tame compared to Dad." The interrogation and psychological mind games my father applied weren't that bad (in my opinion that is, but I think my opinion was skewed since I grew up with the guy) until he discovered Google. And then all he had to do was type in a name and click a button to find all he needed. Just ask Ryan. Poor Ryan. He handled it like a champ though. Especially since we weren't even dating.

Why don't they have a proficiency exam in Procrastination? I'd totally ace that test.

I took my German Proficiency Exam today. I'm not sure how I did. The question about the Congress of Vienna really threw me. Oh, and the 70 questions on usage of the German language. And the questions covering teaching methods were really confusing and seemed subjective. It's really up in the air as to whether I passed or not. I'm leaning towards not passing but I don't want to be Miss Negativity. She never gets invited to parties.

On the bright side, if I do have to take it again, I now know what to expect.

Objection, Your Honor. The Witness is trying to eat the Microphone.

I got to be a witness in Beckie's mock trial tonight. The woman I "portrayed" was described several times as a "hot-looker" during the trial. I see now why Beckie wanted me to play that particular witness. It was cool getting to see Beckie do her lawyer stuff and tear apart a different witness. She told me that I did very well as a witness. I tried to stick to her mandate of "Say yes, no, or I don't know. That's it. Stick to what it says in the depostion and don't lie. And dress nicely." Beckie gives good instructions. Succint and to the point.

Because I currently don't have the time or energy to recap my weekend at the cottage, do this

Stolen from Cy, who stole it from Beckie, who stole it from Ryan, who stole it from the Muffin Man. The one who lives on Drury Lane.


Imagine that there is a film being made of your life up until now, but you need to decide who will play you and your friends and family. Please comment on who you think should play me in a movie, and who you think should play yourself as a character in the same movie. You can choose based on whatever criteria you want, but the person must be alive right now.

Please comment and then copy this post and paste it in your own blog, and I will comment on yours.

Our Neighbor to the North

My Adoring Fans:

I am going to Canadia (Canada to the masses) this weekend to celebrate the 4th of July. Ironic, don't you think? I won't be posting so you'll have to survive the weekend without my amazing wit and charm. I would suggest writing sonnets about me to get through the absence.

The Wixom Vixen