Special Talents

I always find it amusing that there seem to be a plethora of pictures involving Beckie putting others in a headlock. One time when Beckie and I were partying in Dallas she put me in a headlock. I happened to be wearing a pair of her earrings at the time and when she put me in the headlock one of the earrings was dislodged and lost. Ha! Who's laughing now?! That's what I said the next morning when we were coherent enough to realize that an earring was missing. And Beckie was all, "Whatever. I had you in an unbreakable headlock. I win." Beckie's always right. Dagnammit!

Door #1 or Door #2

I'm sure that most of you are somewhat familiar with that show on MTV called "The Hills". I happened to catch a couple of episodes when it was on cause there was nothing else to watch. The girls in it seemed very vapid and way too concerned with where the next party was at. I remember seeing commercials for the finale where the main chick had to choose between her boyfriend and an internship in Paris. Her boyfriend was marginally cute and annoying. I didn't see the finale but I was just reading in the most recent Entertainment Weekly that she chose her boyfriend over Paris and then they broke up! So I feel that I need to make PSA for for girls who find themselves in these situations. Boys lie! They're chock full of lies. They say that they'll call you, they say they "love you", they tell you that you don't look fat in that dress. LIES! All lies! So please, for the love of all that is holy; CHOOSE PARIS!

You'd think I wouldn't even have to say anything. It's Paris for fuck's sake.

Woe is me

I'm sick. I don't know if it's something I ate, a bug or karma but it sucks. I can't keep anything down. I'm miserable.

Protector of Our Domain

Ever since that neighbor gave my mom crap about Raffi attacking him and his cats we've been keeping him inside at night. It's really annoying cause around 10pm Raffi will sit by the front door and whine to go outside for 20-30 minutes. Raffi has one of the most horrendous whines. Well, my mother let him out at around 8pm last night and we forgot to bring him back inside before going to bed. So we were both woken up around 2am by the sound of Raffi attacking some cat or the bogeyman or whatever. I had to go out onto the front porch and I saw Raffi at the edge of the lawn with his tail all puffy but I didn't see whatever he was caterwauling at. Once he saw me his face lit up and he was like, "Mommy, there you are!". He came trotting over looking all happy and excited and I think he was expecting me to reward him or something. I was annoyed at being woken up so I opened the door and grumbled, "Get inside, dingbat." I promptly went back to bed. He's currently lying at my feet and looking all innocent and cute. Raffi, Raffi, Raffi. What am I going to do with you?

Working Girl

My adoring fans, you are now looking at the Long-Term Substitute French Teacher for Royal Oak High School! That's right! I have a job! Okay, it's not a full-year contract like I wanted but it's a job! The chick (some might refer to her as the full-time French Teacher) is going on maternity leave so I'll be there for 8-12 weeks. I'll be like the real teacher! Tomorrow I'm going to start sharpening the 360 pencils that I've been gradually buying for amazing discounts over the summer. If you see any other discounts on pencils let me know. Anyways, if I already have them sharpened then I don't have to worry about students interrupting class time to sharpen them. Ha! You see that? I'm already thinking about how to run my classroom like a well-oiled machine! Boo-yah! And I got a really cute pencil holder at the $1 secton in Target the other day! Woooooooo!!! School is fun! WEeeeeeee!!!

** Added after original posting**
So, a good part of being employed will be knowing what the day is. I completely forgot that today was Wednesday and I missed the new Project Runway! Quelle horreur!

The Price We Pay

I forgot to mention the shoes I wore to the Daughter's wedding. They were hot looking. They gave me blisters but it was so worth it cause my feet looked awesome in my super-hot shoes. Maybe I'll take a picture in them to recreate the hotness for you to see.

Wedding Bells

The Daughter's wedding was Friday. I did end up buying a new dress, it was a chocolate brown number and I actually got many compliments on it. The ceremony was a lovely traditional Catholic wedding. One of the interesting things about those weddings is that the kiss is in the middle of the ceremony. You know when the priest says, "You may now kiss the bride", in a traditional Catholic ceremony that happens before Communion so you still have half the ceremony left. It's nothing at all like in the movies where the bride and groom kiss and then everyone claps and cheers and they skip down the aisle and make a beeline for their limo so they can have sex for the first time. The Daughter and her Groom had quite a kiss though. It went on for a long time and everyone started looking around at each other like, "Do you think they're going to stop or come up for air anytime soon?" At the reception I had to go up with all the single chicks for the throwing of the bouquet. One of the Daughter's cousins and I were standing at the far edge of the circle of single ladies hoping to miss the bouquet but I was later informed that the Daughter was subtly checking out where we were standing and purposely threw it in our direction. I held my hands out more to dodge the thing than to catch it and I guess it hit my hands and went directly to the cousin. She let if fall to the floor and refused to pick it up. Eventually somebody picked it up and gave it to another cousin who's getting married in September. I got back to my seat and remarked to all those who had insisted I go up, "Whew. That was close."

Losing Control

Sometimes I wish that I could just catch a break. I tried on my dress for the Daughter's wedding tonight and I didn't like it at all. The wedding is Friday. This is the dress that I ordered a month ago and tried it on when it arrived and thought was perfect. I bought jewelry and shoes to go with it. My nails are painted pink to go with the jewelry, it was going to be a sage(dress)/pink(jewelry) color theme. And I bought a sash to tie around my waist. I was so excited about how I was going to look really put together. And now I hate how it looks on me. So I've been looking online for the last hour for a different dress. I'm planning on going shopping tomorrow to see if I find anything. I'm reminded of the dress that I tried on at Marshall Field's a few weeks which was absolutely stunning and looked great on me. It was also $120 which is why I was sticking with the sage dress. I asked my mom if she thought I was being ridiculous and she said, "Honey, I could tell that you weren't happy with it when you put it on t0night. If you're not happy with how you look then you won't have a good time and you'll be miserable at the wedding. Get a different dress and I'll help you pay for it." Yeah, this is the woman that is so cruel and abusive my brother and sister-in-law can't stand spending time with her. She bends over backwards to make her children happy. What a terrible mother. (sarcasm)

I've been really down all day, even before I tried on the dress and realized that I was completely unhappy with it. I haven't gotten a call about the French teacher position I applied for. Raffi attacked one of our neighbors this past weekend and he was bitching to my mom about the cat and mentioned the word "sue". He said that Raffi's been fighting with his two cats. I was really snippy at Family Dinner last night and not just from my irritation with certain family members. i'm worried that I'm entering one of my angry/depressive episodes and I don't want to be in one for the wedding. Sometimes they'll last a couple days and sometimes it'll be a couple weeks. So yeah, I just want to catch a break. I want one thing at the least to work out for me.

Dynamics

I saw my brother and Sil yesterday. They hosted Family Dinner at the park but it was more than just the family. It was Sil's friends and their families too. Which would have been fine except that Sil invited a friend who has previously lambasted our family, had a coke problem, and is at war with Joeboo. I strongly dislike Sil. I'm tempted to say that I hate her but hate is a strong word. I don't think she has any goodness in her. I feel that everyone has varying levels of goodness in them but not her. I don't think she's evil but she's just not a good, decent person. She's manipulative, venomous, selfish, and coldhearted. At one point my niece was lost in the park and we had about 10 people looking for her throughout the park. There was a part of me that was glad Sil had to suffer through it and think about what a bad mother she is. My niece was eventually found by herself in the adult swimming pool. I heard that my brother just started wailing on her when they found her. I was really angry when I left dinner. My brother and Sil seem to have that effect on me.

Impersonal Expressions

I didn't go to the park today. I set my alarm early (as in 9:30 am) so I would be all ready to go right after Guiding Light but the thought of going to the park seemed so like much work and such an effort. And I really didn't feel like listening to the conversations of the high school girls around me. So I've been studying the subjunctive today instead. I really need to brush up on my subjunctive. I hate the subjunctive though, it seems so haphazard half the time.

I was just watching the news on channel 4 and one of the weather guys was at a BBQ in Eastpointe. I wonder how close he is to Sarah and Jackie's place. I'm dogsitting Max this weekend.

True Colors

I went to the park today and lounged by the pool for a few hours. I have a wedding to go to next week and I'm trying to get some color. But all that seems to happen is I burn in odd places and my face gets more freckly. I saw a family friend while I was at the park and when I told her I was there tanning she laughed hysterically for like five minutes. Then she left me with these supposedly "wise" words of advice, "Pale skin is beautiful." Yeah, if you're Nicole Kidman then pale skin is beautiful. On me it just makes me look pasty.

I'm going back on Friday cause it's supposed to be mostly sunny.

Weekend

This past weekend I was at the cottage in Wiarton, Canadia. It was a good time. On Saturday I think that I only had 1 non-alcoholic beverage the whole day. I started off with Mimosas, then had some mixed drinks and then drank lots and lots of beer. I had it in my head that we needed to drink it all so there wouldn't be any leftover to take home. I can only seem to remember little tidbits of Saturday after dinner. Too much drinky-drink for the Wixom Vixen. On Saturday afternoon we went to the beach and played The Whirlpool Game in the water. It was a wicked fun time. Poor Beckie kept getting flung out and carried out to sea. The drive home on Sunday took entirely too long. It didn't help that I made Tess pull the car over to the side of the ride twice so I could throw up into wild grass. Good times.

Poor Little Rich Girl

I hate my internet service. It's dial-up and it's SUPER slow. Like I think it's slower than normal dial-up. It takes about five minutes for pages to load and it always takes me half an hour to check email. Not cause I have so many messages but cause each message takes 2-3 minutes to come up. It makes me want to cry. Let me list some other things that I don't have:'

digital camera
central air
ipod or MP3 player
car w/CD player
dishwasher
sane brother
supportive father
clothes that fit

For Me? You shouldn't have!

One of the cats puked in the dining room. Luckily I didn't step in it this morning when I stumbled to the living room to watch the end of Guiding Light after waking up at 10:34. It's nice not having a job. I get to sleep in everyday and yesterday I spent the afternoon at the park lounging by the pool. And then the bills start to pile up and the debt gets higher and it's not so fun anymore. Anyways, I usually leave the puke for my mother to clean cause it's pretty much always Gwennie who's left it but my mother is in Cleveland until Friday. I did consider leaving it until Friday especially since I'll be at the cottage when she gets home so I won't be there for her to yell at me about not cleaning it up but I don't know if I can live with it that long. And it might start to smell in this horrendous heat wave we're experiencing. We don't have AC at my mother's. So it seems that I'm going to have to bite the bullet and clean the stuff up. Jeez, the things I do for that woman.