The Adventures of the Wixom Vixen

A woman of mystery. A woman with big boobies. A woman who likes cheese sticks.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

My Father the Lunatic

I spent the morning with my father today. It was determined on Christmas day that I need new tires. So my father and I went looking for new tires today. We didn't up getting any tires cause there were long waits and my father is a very impatient man. We're meeting tomorrow morning at Costco at 9:50 so we'll be the very first customers. I'm paying back Joeboo and my stepmother by babysitting for Sarah until the tires are paid off. Anyway, after we decided to return to Costco the next morning my father wanted to run a few errands before I drove him back to Grosse Pointe. Since my father is impatient, he also walks really fast. I have to walk/jog to keep up with him. We stopped at Randazzo's and my father grabbed a cart outside the store. I was just catching up to him when he paused and was positioned like he was getting ready to race someone with the shopping cart. Then he turned to look at me and he had the familiar maniacal look on his face. He had a mischievous grin and his eyes were huge with exitement. Then he turned back and started running to the entrance with the cart. I just stood there for a minute and then ran to catch up to him. Even though he puts me down a lot, makes me cry on a monthly basis, and is stingier than Ebenezer Scrooge most of the time, I was happy to call him Dad this morning. Here's a conversation we had when we were in Randazzos:

Wixom Vixen: Dad, check it out! They have coconuts!
Joeboo: Coconuts?! Coconuts! Don't even get me started on coconuts. Your sister convinced her mother to buy her a coconut the other day and we had to crack it open on Christmas Eve and then pour out the milk to leave for Santa. And she wouldn't even try any of the milk herself!
Wixom Vixen: (looks crestfallen)
Joeboo: What? You want a coconut? Here. Here's a coconut. (tosses coconut to his eldest daughter)
Wixom Vixen: (with delighted expression) Cool! Now I can make a coconut bra!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Merry Christmas to me!

I finally heard from Wayne State about student teaching during the Winter 2006 semester. My appeal was approved and I WILL be student teaching next semester! I was so happy when I read the email that I started crying. Seriously, I was practically bawling my eyes out. I think it was like a release. I've been so stressed about this situation and it's like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my chest.

And I'd like to say thanks to all my friends who have encouraged me and told me I wasn't stupid when I failed the exam twice. I'm sorry if I've been snippy or negative during this stressful time. Whew. I think some celebrating is in order.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Tis better to Give than to Receive

Yesterday I stopped at Petsmart to get Raffi's Christmas present. I got him this adorable tiny stuffed animal. It's a pink and green elephant with catnip inside. Raffi loves catnip. I was so excited about giving it to him that I decided not to wait till Christmas and to give it to him right away. So I put it down in front of him and eargerly awaited his joyful response. He sniffed at it a couple times and then looked up at me with this confused and disappointed expression. Then he goes, "What's this crap? Where's my salmon-encrusted XBOX?" Ungrateful wretch.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Goodbye, Benji. Adieu, mon ami.

I like Michelle's blog. She always has cool pictures. I wish I had cool pictures. I wish I knew how to post cool pictures. I wish I was a little bit taller.

I think my father might be suffering from some sort of illness. He called me up the other evening and says, "I heard you need a new coat. If you have time tonight I thought we could meet at Burlington Coat Factory and I'll buy you a new coat and give it to you for Christmas." I had actually been feeling pretty crappy that day (sinus cold thingy) but when Joeboo offers to buy you something you don't waste that opportunity. So I of course agreed to meet up with him and he ended up buying me 3 NEW COATS. One for everday use cause he said my current coat (nicknamed Benji) was a piece of crap and he was embarassed to be seen with me in it. Then he got me a new winter dress coat (I like it cause it has a fur collar and makes me look like royalty) and a red leather jacket. I was flabbergasted. Especially about the leather coat. And he's the one that suggested looking at leather. It's in a special room that you have to have unlocked by an associate but he wanted to look around in there. I took home the everyday one which is a brown faux fur (Bob was there too and he said it was like Persian mink or something) coat and I will receive the other two on Christmas. There's a part of me that's worried that Joeboo has a brain tumor or something but there's another part of me that says I should take advantage of this sudden streak of generosity.

Oh, I almost forgot. We kept losing Bob in the Women's Shoes department. And then my dad bought him socks. If you ever have the chance, I suggest going shopping with those two. It's quite entertaining.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Who wants a Kiss?

Today was last day of pre-student teaching. I brought treats in for all my classes. For the last hour I had some Hershey's Kisses that I was giving (throwing across the room actually) to students who correctly answered questions I posed. The questions were all about me, of course. Most of them they got but at one point I asked, "What's my favorite color?" And they start calling out colors, "blue!", "green!", "red!", "coral!". So finally after a few minutes I'm like, "You guys will probably never get it. It's periwinkle." And there was this loud groan from the whole class, my cooperating teacher was laughing hysterically and one of the students (my favorite) goes, "Periwinkle?! That's not even a real color!" He got no more Kisses for the rest of the hour.

Ah, who am I kidding? Two minutes later he made me laugh and I gave him two.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Fliegen uses Sein

I took a bubble bath tonight. I like to take bubble baths when I feel like things are spinning out of control. I want to dunk my head under the water so that things will stop pressing on me but I also don't want to get my hair wet. I was enjoying my bath when I stopped to think about my surroundings. My dinky little tub in my dinky little apartment where many have lived before me and many will live after me. There's mildew that has accumulated unseen under the soap dish. There are stark white walls that are a little shiny. Sometimes I think that I'm not meant for this life or this world. Others are much more adept are handling the daily tasks and pressures. They have 17 things on their plate and they don't break a sweat. I have 4 things on my plate and my head starts to throb. I usually watch television on Sunday nights cause then my brain shuts off. Am I normal? Am I abnormal? Does it matter? I recently purchased a 3-hole punch and I can't get it to work. There's this piece of plastic stuck in the middle and I can't get it out. All I want is to punch holes in paper and a piece of plastic is thwarting me. And it's bringing me to tears. Why does something like that make me cry but the important things don't? I must seem heartless to some. I'm terrible at keeping in touch with people and being a good friend. But still they stick by me. I saw a child bouncing down the aisle at church today and it made me smile for five minutes.

Friday, December 09, 2005

The Grass is Greener on the Dark Side

I just finished watching Star Wars III. So now I can join the rest of the population that has already seen it. There was just one big question that I had at the end of the movie. Why was Padme so against the whole Annakin/Darth Vader thing? Did she not remember the incredible 6-pack he was sporting when he woke up from the nightmare he was having about HER? The guy is all full of evil and totally looking hot with that dominant thing going on when they're on the lava planet and she's all, "You're breaking my heart" (girly weeping), "I don't know who you are" (more girly weeping). I just want to shake her and say, "Padme! Does it really matter if he's a Dark Lord? Think of the power!" The women in these movies are always so quick to dismiss a guy just cause he's a little evil. So Annakin killed some younglings. We all make mistakes, right? And perhaps they played with his XBOX without asking, and that totally merits death by light saber. You know, evil guys need loving too. And if they're evil with a lot of power then they can totally get you tons of jewelry and fur coats. When I'm covered in diamonds and dead animal skins then I completely forget if the extremely hot guy in front of me is evil or whathaveyou. I just focus on his beautifully built body.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Beauty Comes From the Inside

On Friday I was observed by my college professor for my pre-student teaching class. The evaluation went very well and she was quite pleased with my performance. She said that there was a warmth about me that the students obviously responded to. I had to bite my tongue from saying, "Really? Usually people say I'm cynical and moody."

After she said this I started to wonder if teaching is what makes me truly happy and therefore shows in my actions and behavior when I'm in the classroom. Then I realized I was becoming a sappy Hallmark card so I found a random child and told them that the Tooth Fairy gets her money from terrorists.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Paper Clips Hold Things Together

If you could see the images in my mind then I think you would understand me better. Sometimes I say something that my father finds intelligent and he looks at me in shock. As if he can't believe that I would have intelligent thoughts.

My student teaching for the Winter 2006 term is in jeopardy cause I didn't pass the German test (my minor). I have to write an appeal to the College of Education Field Director (who's a major bitch) to still be able student teach next semester in my major. Whenever I talk to other Wayne students about her, the general response is, "Jeez, isn't she the worst? What a bitch." This is the woman that holds my future in her hands. I didn't tell my father that I didn't pass the test. That's what I'm most worried about. If I don't get to student teach for the Winter 2006 term I'll have to wait till Fall and all his suspicions about what a failure and screw-up I am will be confirmed. But if I manage to get this woman to let me student teach, I'll pass the test in January and I'll be certified in the spring. I could finally prove to my father that I'm not worthless. He might actually be proud of me for once.

I don't like the holidays. My doctor said it's okay for me to not like the holidays.