Binder Girl

There's this girl at my office whose sole job seems to be carrying binders from one end of the hall to the other end. That's all I ever see her do. And she wears jeans everyday while everyone else can only wear them on Tuesdays and Fridays. Sometimes I'll see her walking the hall without binders. And I'll think to myself, "Quelle horreur! They've run out of binders for Binder Girl to carry!" Then a little while later I'll see her with binders again and I breathe a sigh of relief cause I know that everything is right with the world again.

Six and half a dozen of the other

I woke up this morning with a sore throat and feeling achy. This is very disconcerting to me. There's been some illness going around and I don't want it. I wasn't sure if I should exercise with a sore throat so instead I drank tea and wrote this post. I need to nip this thing in the bud so I'm at the top of my game for the cottage this weekend. I ain't got time to be sick!

Here's a funny teaching story involving proper grammar and children:

An elementary school teacher once asked her students to take a piece of paper and pencil and write something. A little boy raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I ain't got no pencil." The teacher, somewhat perturbed by his grammar, embarked on a barrage of corrective patterns: "I don't have a pencil. You don't have a pencil. We don't have pencils." Confused and bewildered, the child responded, "Ain't nobody got no pencils?"

Wine

My sister-in-law wasn't at Family Dinner yesterday. She usually chooses the wine. So, my father asked me what type of wine I wanted and I said a Merlot or Shiraz. He comes back to the table with two bottles and tells me to choose. One was a Cabernet/Merlot mix and the other was a Shiraz. I looked at the labels and read the info on the back and I didn't like the label or info on the Shiraz bottle. It had too many exclamation points and dull colors. So I chose the Cab/Merlot. My father looks at it and says approvingly, "Good choice. Very good choice." And I thought to myself, "Yay! I chose well! Maybe now he'll love me!" I do so cherish the sick and twisted games that my siblings and I play in order to earn the love and approval of our Most Exalted Father.

Abort. The payoff isn't worth it.

I got home from work today and finished my final paper for my Methods class. Then I read my email. Then I promptly threw myself on my bed and bawled my eyes out. Night tried to lick my tears so he'll probably puke later today.

I don't think I particularly like being part of this club. I can't keep up the facade. It would seem that the Wixom Vixen is not so heartless as she's been leading herself to believe.

Auntie Doesn't Change Diapers

Beckie came over last night around 11pm when I was watching the end of Blade:Trinity. She remarked that it was an odd choice of movie for me to be watching alone. Then I informed her that Ryan Reynolds is in it and she understood. I said to her in an excited, breathy whisper, "There's this one scene where he's chained to the floor and he's not wearing a shirt!" Yummy. But before I get carried away with thoughts of a shirt-less Ryan Reynolds and can't finish this post, I'll move on. We shot the breeze and gossiped about boys, read from my Scorpio astrology book, and ate peanuts. The astrology book is really cool cause it tells you what a certain relationship will be like, for example Scorpio Woman-Leo Man or Scorpio Man-Gemini Woman and it does it for all the Scorpio combos. Beckie asked if it had that for gay couples and I was like, "Beckie, this book is from 1976. They didn't have gays back then!"

She left a little before 2am and I went to bed shortly after. Then I was woken at 8 this morning when Night puked next to my bed. Lovely. After I quickly cleaned up the cat vomit, I couldn't fall back asleep. I finally did and my phone started ringing at 9:30. Who the hell would call ME at 9:30 on a Saturday morning? It was my stepmother. Confirming that I'm babysitting Sarah this afternoon and will be at their place around 3:30. A couple hours later my sister-in-law called me to verify that I was also watching Zoe this afternoon. Greeeeeeeeeeat. I'll have the 7 year-old poster child for ADD and the most difficult 3 year-old in the state of Michigan. And I don't think Zoe is potty-trained yet which interferes with my rule of not changing diapers. She'll be potty-trained by the time she goes back to her parents. Nothing like a little Vixen discipline to get that child on track.

Junk in the Trunk

My comforter is in the trunk of my car. I put it in there a few weeks ago. You see, my bedroom cat, Night, puked on it but it's too big to fit in the washing machine at my apartment complex. So my mother suggested that I take it to the laundromat near our church cause they have the big machines. She says to me, "Just put it in your car and then after church we can go to the laundromat and wash it." But then we didn't have a chance to go and I keep forgetting that it's in there until I go to use my trunk, like tonight when I bought groceries. And then I have to try and push the comforter to the back and fit in the groceries. And I'm sure people are walking by thinking to themselves, "That girl has a comforter in her trunk. Did I remember to buy milk?"

Delusions of Grandeur

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a priest. I think it had something to do with standing on an altar with hundreds of people kneeling before me.

Pulled in many directions. 2, to be precise.

I'm supposed to go to Tiki Bob's tomorrow night with The Eastside Contingent (Beckie, Sarah, Jackie, and me). Sarah won a party which means cheap drinks and no cover. Score. But then my Mother called me today and after chatting for a little bit, says to me, "You're coming tomorrow night, right?" And I was all, "Ummmmm...coming to what?" Then she reminded me about a family friends birthday party that I had said I would attend. Crap. Now I don't know what to do. I told her about the Tiki plans and she sounded understanding but...disappointed. I am starting to get to the point where I'm over the club scene but I dig hanging out with my homies. Nobody parties like The Eastside Contingent. Where my bitches at? But, if I go to the birthday party, I'll see my mother's best friend's son (referred to as The Son from here on out) who was looking quite dashing when I saw him at The Race for the Cure. But my mother also mentioned (now, I'm not supposed to be repeating this next part so don't say anything to anyone) that The Daughter (sister of The Son) would be engaged by tomorrow night since her cute, funny, tall, pretty-close-to-perfect boyfriend is proposing tonight. They're going to make a big announcement at the party. And that would just remind me that she's five years younger than me and engaged while I'm perpetually single. So, I'm thinking Tiki. I don't think I'd have a chance with The Son anyway and I still haven't quite forgiven him for cutting my hair off when we were 6.

I seem to be a little boy-crazy this week, don't I? Maybe I'm ovulating.

To Know Lloyd Dobler is to Love Him

I was really tempted to skip class tonight but I am SO glad that I went. When I got there the seats were all in this weird sort of double half-circle. I always sit next to Christy Turlington Look-Alike and she was in the last seat of a row. Then there was an empty seat next to her (which I took) and next to me was Incredibly Cute Guy. I got to sit next to the cute boy! It's like this boy was made just for me; he's blond, blue-eyed, tall, and young. And as cliche and cheesy as this sounds, he's a bit of a "bad boy". He has about five visible tattoos, he's hardly ever in class, and he's always making snide remarks when the professor is talking. And as loathe as I am to admit this, I am somewhat of a typical female and the bad boy thing does make me perk up a little. I totally missed everything that went on during class cause he kept leaning over and whispering things to me and I had to be on top of my game and come up with fabulously witty responses. I think I impressed him with my humorous jibes a few times. At one point he was talking about kickboxing and I did an excellent job of pretending to pay attention to what he was saying while gazing into his gorgeous blue eyes. Then I said to him, "So you're like Lloyd Dobler in 'Say Anything' ". And he didn't know what I was talking about! I couldn't believe that he hasn't seen that movie. So during the break, before he took off, I wrote down the name of the movie on a piece of paper for him. He looked at it and then went to hand it back to me and I was like, "That's for you to keep, so you don't forget the name." And then he paused and gave me this look (like he was seeing me for the first time *sigh*) and said, "Wow. That's really sweet." And then he was gone. I felt like a teenager again.

After he left, Christy says to me, "What movie were you talking about? Say Anything? Oh, that's really old isn't it?" Christy's about 22. I made a comment about having classes with all these youngin's and she looked confused and asked my age. I was tempted to lie like I usually do but I was just like, "I'm 28." She was flabbergasted, as was Horse-Teeth Girl who said to me, "You look like you're 18." Yayyyyyyyy!!!!! I was so overjoyed and they both said they never would have guessed I was 28. If only I had the body I had at 18.

And there's more. On the way home, Bon Jovi's "I'll be There for You" played on the radio. Awesomeness! Can life get any better? I think not.

La Chanteuse

This song was on the radio today and it reminded me of when I sang it during some karaoke thing at Albion. For those that have heard my singing, you can only imagine what a FABULOUS rendition it was. I rock.


Little Red Corvette - Prince

I guess I should’ve known by the way U parked your car
sideways that it wouldn't last
See, U're the kinda person that believes in makin' out once
Love 'em and leave 'em fast
I guess I must be dumb cuz
U had a pocket full of horses
Trojan and some of them used
But it was Saturday night,
I guess that makes it all right
And U say - "What have I got 2 lose?"

And honey, I say Little Red Corvette
Baby, U're much 2 fast
(Oh)Little Red Corvette
U need a love that's gonna last

I guess I should've closed my eyes when U drove
me 2 the place where your horses run free
Cuz I felt a little ill when I saw all the pictures
Of the jockeys that were there before me
Believe it or not, I started 2 worry
I wondered if I had enough class
But it was Saturday night, I guess that makes it all right
And U say - "Baby, have U got enough gas?"Oh yeah!

Little Red Corvette
Baby, U're much 2 fast (Yes U are)
Little Red Corvette
U need 2 find a love that's gonna last (Oh, oh)

A body like yours oughta be in jail
Cuz it's on the verge of bein' obscene
Move over, baby, gimme the keys
I'm gonna try 2 tame your little red love machine

Little Red Corvette
Baby, U're much 2 fast
Little Red Corvette
Need 2 find a love that's gonna last, hey hey
Little Red Corvette

Honey, U got 2 slow down (Got 2 slow down)
Little Red Corvette
Cuz if U don't,
U’re gonna run your little red corvette
right in the ground(Little Red Corvette)
Right down 2 the ground (Honey, U got 2 slow down)
U, U, U got 2 slow down(Little Red Corvette)
U're movin' much 2 fast, 2 fast
Need 2 find a love that's gonna last!

Girl, U got an ass like I never seen, ow!
And the ride...I say the ride is so smooth, U must be a limousine

Ow!Baby, U're much 2 fast
Little Red Corvette
U need a love, U need a love that's, uh, that's gonna last(Little Red Corvette)
Babe, U got 2 slow down (U got 2 slow down)
Little Red Corvette
Cuz if U don't, cuz if U don't
U’re gonna run your body right into the ground(Right into the ground)
Right into the ground (Right into the ground)
Right into the ground (Right into the ground)
Little Red Corvette, oh

Stupid Humidity

One of the things I really hate about being a poor grad student is that I can't afford to turn on the AC. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have the option. But I could turn it on if I wanted and experience sweet relief from this misery. But I also remember all too well last summer when I turned on the air and the shock I received when my electricity bill arrived weeks later. Taking a shower is almost pointless. And I'm REALLY cranky cause I'm hot and sweaty. Poor Raffi has experienced my crankiness first-hand several times this morning. If I can just make it into work I think I'll be okay cause they have air. Pray for me. Or send over a fan.

The Early Bird...gets to walk 5k

The Wixom Vixen is putting herself to bed at 10pm tonight. Don't worry, it's still a toasty 374 degrees in Hell. I'm participating in the Komen Race for the Cure tomorrow and I have to be at my mother's at 6:45 am to meet up with the carpool heading downtown. Which means I have to get up at 6 am. On a Saturday! I keep reminding myself that it's for a good cause and I'll feel good after I've done it, it's to help cure breast cancer, and I'm supporting a family friend. But...


There's still a little part of me that's a tad bit sullen about getting up early on the weekend.

Power Crazy

At about 8:30pm tonight my power went out. It hadn't been stormy or windy or anything. Just REALLY frickin' hot and I had actually turned on the air in my apartment which I don't usually do cause of the high electricity bill I later receive. Anywho, it just goes out. The power, that is. No flickering, no weather related incident or downed power line that I can see. So I wait 40 minutes and then call DTE to see when I will have power again. I spoke with Jose. Here's how our conversation went:

Jose:Thank you for calling DTE Consumer Energy. This is Jose, how may I help you?
Wixom Vixen: Hi, my power is out and I was wondering if you could tell me when it'll be restored?
J: Okay, what time did you lose power?
WV: It was around 8:3o, I think. About 45 minutes ago, I'd say.
J: Did the lights flicker at all or did it just go out suddenly?
WV: There was no flickering at all. It was fine and then it was gone.
J: Okay, there are some crews working in certain areas and you might be one of the areas. Did your power go out earlier today? You probably don't know cause you were probably at work.
(I don't know how Jose knows my work schedule but whatever)
WV: Actually, I think it did go out while I was at work cause all my clocks were flashing when I got home.
J: (in a really sympathetic voice, like he's about to deliver bad news) Oooooohh, yeah, you're one of those areas then. What the crews are doing is they're cutting power to areas for a few hours to maybe fix somthing and then they restore it and then they cut it again after an hour or so and it's out for another few hours. They'll be doing that throughout the night. (almost as an afterthought) Sorry for the inconvenience.
WV: Umm, okay then.
J: Is there anything else I can help you with?
WV: (biting her tongue) No, that's it. Thanks.
(end conversation)

WTF?! Cutting off people's power every hour or so for a few hours? So I think I'll pen a letter to fabulous DTE and it'll be something like this:'

Dear DTE,

I'm writing about the recent power outages in my area. That was really excellent planning on your part. It seems really efficient to cut people's power around 8:30 pm to do "work" and "fix stuff". I'd also like to thank you for notifying us of these power outages that you were planning so we were prepared. Oh wait, that's right. YOU DIDN'T NOTIFY US YOU FUCKING MORONS! As Red Foreman would say, "You'll be wearing your ass as a hat when I get my hands on you."

Idiots. So I was sitting in my stifling apartment and I started to think about the stuff in my fridge. I figured most of it would be okay but I didn't want to risk the Havarti Dill cheese going bad so I ate the whole thing. And then I was thinking how good it was that I didn't have beer in the fridge to worry about. And that got me to thinking that maybe I would be a little less irritated if I had some beer to drink so I went to Meijer's to pick some up. I also bought a flashlight. When I got home I realized that I would have to drink all the beer if the power didn't come back on or it would skunk. Then I was happy that I had opted for the 6-pack and not the 12-case. So for the next hour or so I drank beer and melted from the heat and made shadow animals on the wall with my flashlight.

Oh, and I totally went past my 1200 calorie daily limit with the cheese and beer but I think I might have sweated it out. My apartment has the worst air circulation ever. Actually, I don't think my apartment even has circulation.

Stupid DTE. I still call it Pine Knob, so HA! Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Run for your lives!

A huge wasp just flew right in front of my face as I was reading email and I screamed out really loudly, "Dear Lord!". Then it landed on the window screen next to my computer so I quickly closed the glass part and it's now stuck between the glass and the screen. So now I'm torturing it every few seconds by putting my face really close and taunting, "You're stuck in the window! Stupid loser wasp can't get out!" Then I run several feet back in case it escapes. I really should call maintenance about getting my screen fixed. This is the third wasp that's managed to get into my apartment. Or perhaps I can start a wasp colony. I could make them do my bidding! I like this plan. The Wixom Vixen's Army of WASPS.

Doing the Macarena with Dr. Evil

It's a Saturday night and I'm at home studying for a mid-term. I felt fine about this until I talked to my Mother. I had just gotten home from spending the afternoon shopping with Beckie (Thank you! I love you lots!) and was getting ready to buckle down and study for several hours when the phone rang. As you can guess, it was Trish the Dish, aka The Wixom Vixen's mother.

So we're chatting and I tell her about rollerskating last night and mention that Mike broke his arm :( . Then I mentioned the midterm I have on Monday and she asks, "So, what are you doing tonight?" And I'm like, "Studying for the midterm that I just mentioned." in a kind of "duh?" tone. And she goes, "Oh. Tonight?" Then I got all defensive and was like, "Hey! I'm hip. I'm down with it. I went out last night! And not only did I rollerskate but afterwards I went to a BAR where I drank BEER. So, ha!" She obviously then felt bad for doubting my hipness cause she replied, "Of course you're hip, Honey. Nobody said you weren't hip. School is very important. I'm so proud of you for studying on a Saturday night. that's very mature." And being the mature person she had just mentioned, I said in a pouty voice, " Well, okay then. I'm still your favorite, right? Cause I'm like, way more mature than Michael. " I really am. Totally.

What do they ask at the interview?

Did anyone catch that new reality TV show that premiered last night, "Beauty and the Geek"? It was co-produced by Ashton Kutcher so I was curious about it. I missed the first half but I manged to watch the 2nd half of the show. They had those segments like every reality show where the person is sitting and speaking individually with the camera away from the others. And they would show the person's name and profession in the individual segments. Well, under this one chick's name it stated "Life-size Barbie Doll". I hadn't realized that that was now considered a profession. I wonder if she gets benefits or a 401K. Then I asked Raffi, "What kind of life-size doll do you think I would be?" And he replied, "I like salmon."

Grumpy Gertrude

That's what we call my little sister when she's cranky. She REALLY hates it. I'm in such a rotten mood today and with every blog I read the feeling is only exaberated.