Plaintiff's Exhibit #1

This is the picture of Jackie and me form the bachelorette party which I discussed in a previous post. If you look at the bottom of the photo you can see my thumb and you can see how Jackie's right boob is pushed up. Thus proving that I was grabbing her boob for the photo AND sticking out my tonque. I mean, why would I stick out my tongue like that if there wasn't boobie-grabbing going on?

Le sort en est jeté

Aujourd'hui je fais la vaiselle. Hier soir j'ai regardé la télé avec ma mère. Ce soir je garde ma petite soeur. Ma vie est pitoyable.

Tous les jours je pratique mon français pour me préparer chercher un emploi comme un prof de la langue française. Peut-être je devrais pratiquer l'allemand aussi. Mais le français est mon premier amour.

Il fait très chaud aujourd'hui. L'humidité est insupportable. Je déteste la chaleur.

A Woman's Prerogative

I'm at home right now. Yup, that's right. I'm sitting in front of my computer at 11:30pm on a Friday night. The TNOFer's went to the Necto tonight in Ann Arbor. I was seriously considering going at the beginning of this day but when this evening rolled around I was feeling very lazy and apathetic. And I didn't get the email about the meeting-up arrangements until late in the game. The idea of sitting in front to the TV all night with my Mother seemed like a splendid notion. Now I'm regretting my laziness. I should have given myself a mental kick in the ass and high-tailed it over to the meeting spot.

I also could have gone and hung out with Saucy Sarita tonight but I was worried about driving after having downed a few beers and so I remained at home. Two missed opportunities. I'm pathetic. And sweaty cause it's really humid.

Show Me Wantonness

I got an email tonight with a link to view pictures from the bachelorette party. They were pretty entertaining. There was one taken in the limo from when Jackie crawled onto my lap when we were on our way to Pontiac. I was in the back by the window and she had been on the floor and I think she decided that she wanted to stick her head out the window. When the picture was taken I was grabbing her right boob and sticking my tongue out in a provacative manner but unfortunately my boobie-grabbing was cut off so it's just me with my head on her shoulder and my tongue sticking out in the actual picture. It's not as good as the original thought for the picture which is disappointing but I guess still entertaining.

Ah, what a fun night. I just wish I could remember more of the middle part.

No Tattoos

I went to a bachlorette party on Saturday. We went to the clubs in Pontiac in a limo. I drank too much. On Sunday morning I kept asking myself, "Did I piss anyone off last night? Why do I remember a group of guys offering me $40 to get into their limo?"

J'aurais pu dansé toute la nuit, ou: Merci Beaucoup pour la Musique, Mon Ami

Yesterday the postman brought me a package. It wasn't a very big package but the contents inside made me giggle like a school girl. It was the CD that Gideon made me with my music requests. Plus a bonus CD of random songs that he burned. When I first started listening to the first CD I kept thinking to myself, "Wow! I love all these songs! What a great CD." Then I remembered that I had requested the songs and so of course I would like them. I'm a little forgetful sometimes. I had asked for "Break My Stride" which I think is by Matthew Wilder and Gideon put on this really cool poppier version with some chick and a guy who pipes in occasionally to add some hip-hop flava. And right after that was "Modern Love" which is also fun and poppy. Anyways, I kept playing those two songs over and over and turning the volume up and dancing around in my room. I felt like a teenager back in high school. Then my mother called from the other room to turn the music down. So I screamed back at her, "Stop ruining my life! I hate you!" Then I felt bad so I went out to the living room and told her that I didn't really hate her, I was just reliving the experience of being a teenager in high school. And she replied, "Of course, Darling. I figured that's what you were doing."

Some Material May Be Inappropriate for Hypocrites

When I was driving to Windmill Pointe Park last night for the Tuesday night picnic I noticed a helicopter circling the area. As I parked my car I noticed another one that was also circling the area. So of course at the picnic everybody was talking about the helicopters and it turns out that someone had driven their car into the canal right at the border of Grosse Pointe Park and Detroit. One of the kids was like, "He must have been a criminal who was trying to get away from the police. That's the only reasonable explanation that he would drive his car into the canal." And I was like, "Well unless he was unhappy with his life and-" that's as far as I got before all the overprotective mothers started yelling at me to shut my mouth. They're like, "Jessica! You don't say that to a 7 year-old!" Whatever. I think they're being ridiculous. My family told my little sister about cement boots when she was 6 years-old and she's better for it. People really need to stop coddling their children. And I would bet money that he has some video game which involves shooting people and that's perfectly acceptable but talk about someone shooting themselves and suddenly it's inappropriate for a young child. Puh-lease.

Please Give Some of The Good Stuff

I gave blood on Wednesday this week. Yesterday I was really tired and dragging and so I called my mother (she's a nurse). I asked her if giving blood would have anything to do with being tired and she goes, "Of course it does, darling! You gave away a pint of the good stuff!" I was amused by the fact that she referred to my blood as "the good stuff". It gave me an image of ordering a drink at a restaurant. The waiter comes up and is all,

waiter: Good Evening, ma'am. Can I start you off with something to drink?
Trish the Dish: Oh, that would be lovely. Give me some of the good stuff.
Waiter: Of course, our house special this evening is a delicious O- but we also have a lovely B+ Reserve.
Trish the Dish: I simply love those B's. I'll take a glass of the B+ Reserve.
Waiter: Excellent.

The second part of this post is a plea to all my readers to give blood if possible. We are at dangerously low levels. Just think if you or someone you loved were in an accident and needed blood. It only takes an hour of your time and if you go to Red Cross you can get free passes to certain events like Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle or the Renaissance Festival. I'll even go with you and hold your hand if you want. For those who are in Southeast Michigan I'm giving the link to the Red Cross site where you can find a location near you and make an appointment.

American Red Cross Southeastern Michigan

Keep the Line Free for Actual Emergencies

I'm trying to get back into exercising. I was doing good for a couple months back in April and May and then June hit and it went out the window. I like taking walks cause it forces me to actually get 30 or more minutes of activity. If I put in a workout video or use some piece of equipment at home then I stop after 10 minutes and am like, "Whew. This is hard. I'm spent." But if I take a walk then I have to walk back to my house. I can't just give up and collapse on the couch. I have to walk 10 blocks to even get to said couch. Of course I could always flag down one of the many cops I see while walking and tell them that I got a horrible cramp and need a ride home. It's not like Grosse Pointe cops have anything better to do. I usually see 3 or 4 patrol cars on my walks. This morning I only saw one though. There must have been a cat stuck in a tree somewhere in GPP. It was probably that dingy yellow cat of batty old Mrs. Nesbit on Berkshire.

Easily Swayed

If you've read Sarah's blog then you got the basic rundown of our camping experience. I think one of the highlights for me was swimming naked in Lake Huron. It was Saturday night. Ryan and I had left the campsite around 10 or 10:30 or whenever to take a walk. We went down to the beach and sat on the sand and talked for a awhile. Then we headed back to the campsite around 12:30. When we got back everyone had gone to bed except Jimmy (Jacque's boyfriend's brother who we had just met that day). So Ryan and I start asking in loud drunken voices, "Where is everybody? Why did they go to bed?" When we told Jimmy that we had been at the beach he said that we should all go back and Ryan and I were like, "Okay." When we got to the beach we decided to go swimming. I didn't have my swimsuit on so I went in the lake in my bra and underwear. It was really, really dark but the water felt great. I was so drunk that I would be standing in knee-deep water and a small wave would knock me over and then I would call out to Ryan to save me as the waves kept crashing over me. Then Jimmy kept swimming away from us and we wouldn't be able to find him. After calling out for him with no response our conversation went something like this:

(in oddly calm voices)
Wixom Vixen: Shit. He drowned.
Ryan: This is so bad.
Wixom Vixen: What are we going to tell the others?
Ryan: This is so bad.
WV: Yeah.
(pause)
WV: Oh, I have an idea! I'm going to go completely naked! Wooooooo!!!
(Wixom Vixen runs off to shore to strip off bra and underwear)

Viewing Experience

My mother is in Columbus tonight. So I rented "The Hills Have Eyes" to watch on the big TV. My mother abhors horror movies and I LOVE them. I usually have to watch them in my room on the small 25" TV instead of the big 32" TV in the living room. It was pretty good. It wasn't really as suspenseful as I thought it would be. Like those moments that freak you out and make you jump out of your seat. It didn't have a lot of those. And the genetic defect people weren't as scary-looking as I was hoping for.

As for my camping experience over the weekend, I'll tell you more about it later but let me just start with the fact that my mother gave me a tent with no poles. I'm planning on milking that for months.

Eat Me

I hate holidays. I think that I've mentioned that on here before. It's nice to get a day off of work (when you're working that is) and hang out with friends and family and eat, drink and be merry but we shouldn't need an excuse to do that. It's like several times a year people are nice to each other and the other 358 days they're the usual mean bastards. We should be happy everyday that we're alive and healthy. And that we have people in our lives who love us. Unless you don't have anyone who loves you and then you need holidays so someone will love you for a day.