Melt by Myself

I'm bored. But it's too hot and humid for me to actually do something about it. I'd rather just lie on the couch and moan about being bored then exert any energy to remedy the situation. It might make me sweat more than I already am. My mother has some sort of mutant gene that doesn't make her feel the heat or humidity so we don't have air conditioning. I didn't seem to inherit the gene though which means I get to suffer. And she's not even here. She's off "camping" (those who were at Mike's BBQ know why there are quotation marks around camping). I wonder when she's returning. She probably told me but I never really listen when she tells me these things. I should throw a party like I used to in high school when she went away. She'll actually be going away a lot with this new job of hers. Wooooooooooo!!!! Party summer! She mentioned being in San Francisco for the second week of June. Maybe I should reserve the keg now.

Mike's BBQ on Saturday was a wicked good time. There was beef. Good. There was beer. Awesome. There were cute boys. Wicked Awesome. I love hanging out with the gang during the summer. And I love cute boys. And beer. I think the next time I drink a beer I'm going to look at it and say, "Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

Anyhoo, I'll find out the dates that my mom's going away and I'll get back to you.

Rude Awakening

I was woken up 3 times this morning before 9am. The first time was Raffi whining at my bedroom door to be let out at 7:30. Raffi has the most awful whine you'll ever hear. I threw all my stuffed animals at him and he still continued to whine. So I finally got up and let him outside. Then the phone started ringing around 8:15. I thought it might be my father cause I had talked to him about coming over to help me with the bathroom étagere this morning but he had specifically said it wouldn't be till after 10am. So I look at the caller id and it's some citicorp credit thing so I don't answer. Are they even allowed to call on Saturdays? Let alone at 8 in the morning? For a second I thought maybe they were in California and in a different time zone and then I remembered that California is 3 hours behind us and I chucked that theory. And then at 8:30 the roofers working on the house next door showed up and started banging things and shouting stuff to each other, such as;

"Tom, you need to put the tarp down there!"
"Start working on the garage section today."
"I stuff my underwear with jello."

To make matters worse they turned on their radio to 95.5 which plays stupid hip-hop/R&B/rap crap. My apologies to Sarah and Jackie who like that type of music but most of it sounds like nails on a chalkboard to me. I was somewhat mollifed when the new Shakira song, "Hips Don't Lie" came on. I love Shakira. I want to be Shakira. I finally dragged myself out of bed after the song since I wasn't going to be able to get anymore sleep anyways.

Stuffed to the Gills

I had dinner at Tom's Oyster Bar tonight. Compliments of Joeboo. I had originally planned on attending a presentation about the truth behind The DaVinci Code at my church but as I've said before, I never turn down a free restaurant dinner. I had called my father earlier in the day because one of the teachers I subbed for today mentioned that she went to high school in Utica, New York, and I told her that that's where my father grew up. When she saw my last name she said that it looked really familiar. But I forgot to ask for her maiden name.

Anyways, when my father called me back a little after 6pm he asked if I had already eaten dinner and mentioned Tom's Oyster Bar and I heartily accepted. Then when I got there I found out that my Uncle Sal was in town for the evening! I was so excited! I love Uncle Sal and his eccentric chatter. And his honesty. But not so much his smoking. Although he and I sat at the bar when we got to the restaurant cause he needed a nicotine fix while the others got a table and he gave me money! He asked if I ate out alot and I said I couldn't afford to at this point so he took out this wad of cash and gave me some money. It was fabulous. Turns out that he's only in town for tonight and he's driving my dad's old BMW back to New York in the morning. One of his waitresses is buying it. I'm not sure if I even told you guys that Joeboo got a new car. He's driving a Pontiac now. Just like me! And it's silver like mine too! I am obviously SO at the top of the will.

Selfish Wants

For those that have the capability, these are the songs that I would like on a CD:

Forever Young - Alphaville
Beautiful - James Blunt
Cool - Gwen Stefani
Love and Memories - OAR
Alive - Love and Rockets
Hey, Mister - Custom
Creep - Radiohead
All for You - Sister Hazel
Angel Eyes - Jeff Healy Band
Breathe - Anna Nalick
Wonderful - Adam Ant
Alone - Heart
Break My Stride - ?matthew wilder
To Be With You - Mr. Big
Rocket Man - Elton John
Doctor My Eyes - Jackson Browne
One More Try - Timmy T
Any other songs you think I would like

Okay, great! Thanks a bunch!

Yellow Green Yellow

I subbed for an art teacher today.

Attack of the Angry Sidewalk

Friday night I was supposed to go to the Berkley Front. But when I called Mike to tell him that I was heading out to Berkley he told me that they hadn't even been seated at whatever restaurant they were at. I told him to call me when they were heading back to his place. And then I decided to have a cocktail while I waited. Then I had another one. Just as I was starting the third one, Mike called. I informed him that I was unfortunately not in a condition to drive. A few minutes later the Young Catechist called me about going to the bar when he finished his shift at the restaurant. Since that didn't involve any driving on my part, I agreed. About 5 minutes later Sarah called. Her and Jackie were having people over and I told her that I had just agreed to go the bar with Young Catechist so I had to decline her offer.

At about 11:15 Young Catechist said he would be there to pick me up in about 15 minutes. Picking me up entailed him walking to my place. Good thing we're only a few blocks from the bars. We went to the Tap Room first. There was some band called The Gypsy Strings or something and Young Catechist was very excited cause he likes them. But they wanted to charge $5 cover. So we were looking at each other trying to decide if we should just go to O'Flaherty's and Young Catechist is like, "I don't have any cash". I just gave the cover-collector-dude my "poor brunette from the wrong side of the tracks" look. As always it worked and he let us in without paying cover. Boo-yah!

We stayed for about an hour and listened to the band and drank beer. The band was pretty good, their music reminded me of the roaring 20's. Ah, those were some wild times. Then we headed over to O'Flaherty's. Young Catechist likes that bar cause he knows all the bartenders. He called his roommate who later met us there and drank beer with us. We were still finishing our beers when the bar closed and Young Catechist and Roommate were like, "It's okay, just relax and finish your beer." One of the bartenders was really annoyed and so I was like, "Alex, we don't like to see you upset like this. What can I do to make you happy?" He opened his mouth like he was going to say something but then he just turned back to the register and started mumbling to himself. On the way home the sidewalk jumped out at me and I fell and scraped my knee. Young Catechist decided we should walk the rest of the way with me in the middle with my arms looped through theirs. They got me safely home and I went to bed.

Never go in against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line!

The Post Eraser has struck again. Don't worry, readers. It's all part of my elaborate strategy. He'll start to get a false sense of security and become overconfident and then become sloppy. And that's when we'll strike! Like a phoenix out of the ashes, the Wixom Vixen will rise again!

Steel Trap

I didn't get a subbing job for today so I'm chillin' at home. I was just watching the news at noon and they had a Breaking Story about a court trial of some priest who killed a nun or something. The jury had just found him guilty. But the exciting part was that the case was in a Toledo courthouse. And I remembered that Ryan works at a Toledo courthouse. So I say to Gwennie, "Gwennie! Look! It's Toledo! That's where Ryan is! Where's Ryan?" (I almost said 'where's Ry-Bear?' but I know he doesn't like that so I've been very diligent in saying RyAN. Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. Sometimes I repeat his name several times to make sure I've got it right). Anyways, they didn't show Ryan on the news but it was still exciting. Probably not so much for the nun though.

Soldering is not Smoldering...except for me

You should read Get Fuzzy for today. It's funny.

Now I see why the English language is so hard to learn for foreigners. Actually, I've seen it previously but it goes better with the post if I make it seem like a discovery that I had today. I substituted for an Industrail Technology teacher today (I know, isn't that the funniest mental picture? The Wixom Vixen with a jigsaw or whatever they use to technologize industry) and the regular teacher wrote that they wouldn't be soldering when he's not there. So I told the class that tidbit but I pronounced it like smoldering without the m and that is the wrong pronunciation. It's pronounced like "sod-er-ring". Which makes sense cause I've actually heard of that word.

Here's another example: dough and rough

Darn tricky language. I'm sure glad that I already know it. I'm also glad that the students only laughed for a minute or two and not the entire class period.

Whoa Horsey

I finally got to the Derby Party at about 4:42 Saturday afternoon. It was at Bob's place. He was serving margaritas. And there was tons of snack type food but the good stuff since Bob is rich, like coconut shrimp and brie instead of chips and dip. Actually he did have chips and salsa but it was really fancy and expensive salsa. Bob's eldest daughter Cara*, was well on her way to being hammered. Bob's younger daughter left at one point cause she had to go home and put her tortoise inside. The kids were playing in the hot tub. Bob had written all the names of the horses on slips of paper and put them in a champagne bucket and so we all picked our horse that way. I got #8 Barbarosa. My horse ended up winning and I won a bottle of wine as a prize. Sarah was pissed that my horse had won and not hers cause she's a spoiled brat. When my horse won she ran out of the room crying and my stepmom went chasing after her. Cara told me that I needed to call her when I decided to drink my bottle of wine cause she needs to get into some trouble. She then said in a "drunken" whisper (i.e. proclaimed to the whole room) that she really needs to have sex soon. Then Bob's girlfriend started playing the piano and my mother started singing. I decided to go back outside at that point. My brother and Sil were annoying as usual. I think I left the party around 8pm.

I can't seem to recall at the moment what I did after the party. Probably drank myself into a stupor. And then got up to teach Religious Ed in the morning.

The Best Laid Plans

I got a trash bag from the basement to change Raffi's litter and put the bag on my bed. The plan was to check my email and then change the litter. Well, now Raffi is currently laying on the bag which is on the bed and for those who know Raffi, you know that you don't attempt to move Raffi or pull things out from under him without risking bodily harm. I realized too late that he had returned to the room and was up on the bed settling in for his afternoon nap. Stupid cat.

Run Like the Wind

I feel like I've already had a full-fledged action-packed weekend and it's only Saturday night. Last night I went over to Sarah and Jackie's for Cinco de Mayo. Sarah had these mix packages but they required rum and she didn't have any rum. They also had these cool Tiki type glasses so I told her that I would go and buy some rum if I could drink out of the green Tiki glass for the night. She agreed to my terms. We also drank Margaritas and ate toquitos and mini-tacos. Beckie texted Jackie and I at some point and told us about a band playing at The Village Idiot and told us that we should go. I was all for it but Jackie was tired and didn't want to go anywhere except to her bed. Mike had Skippy so he couldn't go.

The Village Idiot is about 3 blocks from my house so I dropped off my car and walked there. It was about 12:20am at that point. My mother was freaking out cause the bar is on the Detroit side of Mack, which meant that I would have to cross Mack on foot. But I made it the 3 blocks without getting mugged or shampooed. When I walked in the bouncer was like, "Jessica, there you are. They're over there, on that side." I gave him a strange look cause I had never met this bouncer before and he just pointed and went, "Over there." When I found Beckie and told her about the strange bouncer who seemed to be expecting me, she informed me that Jennifer had told the bouncer to tell me where they were when I arrived. The band was pretty good and there were lots of cute boys all around. I kept finding myself with one beer in each hand which was perfectly fine with me. After the band played and the bar closed we heard about an afterparty going on somewhere. Jennifer and Jim went home but Beckie and I decided to go. I think it was more about me wanting to go and Beckie acquisescing (is that a word?). The afterparty was at some youngin's (I think he and his friends said they were 20 or 21) parents place in GP Woods. When we got there one of the guys didn't seem to be doing too well and he was leaning against/holding onto a grill and looked like he was waiting for the world to stop spinning. He eventually passed out on the couch and at one point Beckie made me check to see if he had a pulse. He did. It was a nice house but it did have an odd front closet/bathroom. It's like the person who built the house couldn't decide if they wanted a closet or bathroom and just combined the two. The host's mom is apparently into hats and so we were all wearing hats during the evening. I drank more beer and had many fascinating conversations which I could not recall when I woke up. Dave played the piano. Beckie was referred to as "The Pale Girl" at one point which I found amusing and she found irritating and unfounded. We left sometime after 5am and I got home around 5:30. I think.

I woke up sometime after noon and laid on the couch watching TV till 2pm when I moved back to my bed. At 3:30 I figured I should finally shower and get ready for the Derby Party. I don't want this post to be super-long and I'm tired so I'll write about the Derby Party tomorrow.

My Virgin Eyes

I I was looking at old pictures of myself and I thought to myself, "Gosh, I used to be so cute." And then I was looking at old blog entries that I wrote and I thought, "Hmm, I used to be so funny." And now I'm wondering what I'm becoming. I picture a giant pinkish blob of a goo-like substance. With my face. And my voice. And a craving for peanut butter. And a Mimosa.

Then I hit that "next blog" button and it was a blog with dirty pictures! And one of the pictures was the Easter Bunny banging some chick (who appeared to be dressed as Little Red Riding Hood or that Bo Peep chick) from behind. I was appalled. Mr. Easter Bunny! Have you no shame?!

Oh, and speaking of using the word chick...It's not always wise to use this word when addressing a class of high school students.

So, what did we learn today? That's right, Be careful when hitting "next blog" and when using the term "chick". And yes, that will be on the test.

Give me Peace

I'm very agitated right now. I don't know why. And I'm quick to lose my temper and snap at people. I can't concentrate or focus. And my head hurts.

There was a dead bunny on the grass next to my car this morning. I'm thinking that it was the work of Raffi. I don't know if he purposely left it there cause he knows that's my car or if it was just coincidence. I felt a little bad cause it was really small so I think it was probably a young bunny. And it was super cute. Except for the gaping wound and intestines spilling out. I think Raffi was trying to show me that he can be a provider. He needs to work up to some bigger bunnies though. We certainly can't both eat the tiny baby bunny and be satisfied.